I do not have the time to write this post properly. It would take hours. I have only about 15 minutes.

Mom passed away quietly in her sleep at the hospital last night. I am not devastated because she was in pain and she was suffering. She is at rest now. And she is with dad, and with her son, my brother, Eric.

I did my mourning on Tuesday when she told me she was ready to die. She made a strong case for this decision. She told me she had lived a good life and was content. She had watched her family grow, face and overcome challenges, and were now spread out across the state and the country. There was no anger, no resentment in her voice. Just acceptance.

Last night, when Faith told me of her passing, I was less sad (though I feel it) and more relieved. She is where she wanted to go, and my love goes with her.

So, some back story: my mom has a rare genetic disorder that is in the marrow of her bones. She was tested, and they decided on the best medication to deal with the genetic disorder. This disorder cause anemia. Unfortunately, it also causes severe illness for about two months. For the past two weeks, she has been sicker than the first month of being on the medications. So much so she was not able to take care of herself.

Thankfully she has been living with my sister, who took her to a medical appointment yesterday. There they discovered she had a heart attack. She was taken to the St. Croix Hospital and from there flown to Regions Hospital in St. Paul, MN.

Well, after discontinuing the medication and giving some blood transfusions, her heart is stronger. Unfortunately, when they attempted to put in a stint and look at her arteries, her kidneys rebelled. So they had to stop the procedure and work on getting her stable.

Today she’s stable. Her kidney levels are back to normal. So, they are going to attempt a shortened procedure of looking at her arteries. Unlike last night’s, which was scheduled to last 4 hours, this one today is scheduled for one hour. They have already done the cleaning prep. We are waiting for them to take her to the procedure. Right at this moment as I am typing this, she is signing a release of information so they can get her medical records from Burnett General Hospital in Grantsburg.

If, as you read this, you get the impression I am calm, cool, and collected, trust me, I’m not. The tears are threatening – always threatening. And I picked a fight with my sister, for which I am now feeling ashamed. It was mean and stupid, and I’ll make apologies later. Honestly, the shame is immaterial to the fear for my mother, which was the impetus for my picking a fight.

Anyway, in whatever way your belief system defines the energy of love and hope, please send it my mother’s way.