So Much for That

Yesterday, I started a post on the evils of paperwork in my chosen profession. How worthless for describing the client’s change mentally and emotionally, and its only goal is to repeatedly force us to prove we can do our job daily (it doesn’t). But I shit-canned it.

This morning, the post came back with a vengeance.

Anyway, suffice it to say that the one thing I most hate about my profession is paperwork. Having had the opportunity to read my clinical chart from when I was in a halfway house, I realized they missed every meaningful event that led me to recovery and sobriety. In talking with others who also went through treatment before becoming an LADC or even an ADC-T (Alcohol, Drug Counselor-Trainee), I found they had similar experiences. Change and growth are subjective experiences that rarely get seen by professionals. We kid ourselves into believing that their treatment experience will cause that growth and change to occur in groups right in front of us.

Bullshit.

Most of my growth occurred outside of the treatment facility. It happened in my interactions with others in recovery at meetings, at sober activities, and in quiet, reflective moments long after I completed treatment. No amount of paperwork can ever capture that growth.

Don’t get me wrong. My time at the halfway house in 1985 was necessary for me to grow and develop a program of recovery. But it wasn’t the only place where it happened. It primed me. It gave me the tools and ability to be open to those moments in life where I gained insight, recognized patterns of thoughts and behaviors that were unhealthy, and overcame them to remain sober.

However, for clients I’ve worked with, I’ve seen what appeared to be insight and understanding by some, only to learn later that they relapsed and returned to active addiction and criminality. I’ve also experienced clients who were combative through the whole treatment process, only to discover years later they were still sober. In both cases, the paperwork required by the State and Insurance companies had almost nothing to do with capturing the client’s change and everything to do with forcing us repeatedly that we are qualified to do our job.

Oh, and for insurance companies to deny claims because we didn’t properly cross our i’s and dot our t’s.

Yes, you read that right.

It’s the trick of every conperson to overload their marks with excessive information and pressure. The insurance companies learned that the more paperwork they demand, the more arbitrary time limits they insist on setting, results in more mistakes and errors, and creates justification for the denial of services. They are running a legal con game. One that results in the early death of people they were supposedly tasked with helping to live healthy, productive lives. Instead, profit goes towards the shareholder who can buy the top-shelf caviar at the expense of their customer’s lives.

Block

I am unsure why, but writing has been a struggle. Even when I do my Morning Meditation Writing, I find that I’m pushing for content when content is the last thing MMW is about. So, taking a cue from Wil Wheaton, I will stop treating this blog as a polished, professional journal. It’s just a blog. A, hey, I’ve got thoughts! Rough, unpolished, what’s spelling and sentence structure? blog. So, without further ado, read this post with gusto. Or garlic. Or whatever food happens to excite your taste buds. Or not.

Whatever.

Seriously, it’s your life; do with it what you please.

And by all means, leave a comment.

Or don’t.

Do I have to tell you how to do everything?

Sheesh.

Changes

The Castle

You might have noticed that I lost several months of posts. To make a long story short, I switched hosts. The old hosting service was slow. My blog would take seconds to load. Longer than was acceptable. But the learning curve for migrating a site from one service to another was steeper than I could handle, taking a few months to figure things out. After many hours this morning I managed to rectify the problem. I am now fully with Bluehost, a WordPress recommended hosting service which is providing fast service. Instead of the approximately 10 seconds to load, it’s almost instantaneous.

Damn! I used to wait an eternity for a preview to load. It’s instantaneous now. Same with loading pictures from the library, what took from 10 to 20 seconds now is instant. My efforts at blogging have become easier.

UPDATE: It looks like I did something wrong and caused my site to not load at the proper addy. Thanks to the excellent support team at Bluehost, they got it up and running! Yea!!!!!!

A Pain Like No Other

Ill

It hurt in a way I’d never felt before. It was a sharp, narrow pain that started inside, at the belly button, and traveled up internally to behind the sternum. I had all sorts of stories going on through my head. The loudest of which was, “I tore a hole in my intestine.” The other old, overused tale was, “I’m being a wimp. Just tough it out and go to work tomorrow.” I even put myself to bed, only to struggle to find a position that didn’t just relieve the pain but kept it from intensifying. By 12:30 AM, I resigned to the fact I had utterly failed.

I came downstairs and informed Tina I needed to go to the ER. The drive to the hospital was an intimate introduction to every little seam, crack, and bump in the road. Though I had been empathetic when Tina experienced the same thing when her back was acting up, I now also understood her experience. Let’s just say I experienced an AFGE (Another Fucking Growth Experience). But, seriously, Existence, did it have to be about physical pain? Couldn’t I have gained growth from a less painful experience?

Sigh.

Obviously not.

Anyway, arriving at the ER, my emotional weather swinging about like a rope ladder in a storm, I awaited the CAT Scan that would inform me of the appendicitis I was experiencing. Because I didn’t act out the overused tale of going to work the next day, I managed not to have a ruptured or perforated appendix. However, catching appendicitis early meant not needing to be rushed into emergency surgery, resulting in a 10-hour wait until a surgery team and surgery room were available. Thankfully, the antibiotics worked a miracle; with the Torodal and Tylenol, I no longer experienced discomfort.

After the surgery, I only requested an opiate once, right after coming out of the surgery, because that was when I felt extreme discomfort. Otherwise, the blockers they gave me before the surgery did their job, and I only needed Tylenol. And by the time the blockers wore off, the pain had naturally subsided. The surgery occurred on Thursday, and I could return to work by Monday the following week. The surgeon told me I could resume running by Monday. But I decided to wait for the two-week follow-up call from the surgery department to see how I was doing.

The reason I finally decided to go to the ER was due to the pain approaching migraine levels of extreme discomfort.

A Before Work Run

Just Keep Running

I slept well enough that I woke up feeling rested at 4:30 AM. So, after spending an hour doing my morning routine of meditation readings, horoscopes, and mindful journaling, I went for a run.

Just Another Incremental Marathon Post

Just Keep Running

This run, combined with the distance I walked mowing the lawn, resulted in 5.35 miles, 10,398 steps, and 67 minutes of exercise time. Yeah, I’ll be exhausted tomorrow.